大學英語四級考試寫作典型例文精彩點評(四)
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大學英語四六級報名、考試、查分時間 免費短信提醒
2003年6月考試六級作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢是公房越來越少，私房越來越多。
提綱：1.簡單描述一下圖表內容
2.變化原因
3.這個變化對個人和社會的影響
例1. (2分段)
此分段標準為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴重錯誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2.(5分段)
It is descerned that(刪掉)the number of pirate(private) houses had been on a(an) increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people’s living conditions(condition), all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people’s income was on a(an) increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
點評：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)字數不夠，要酌情扣分。
(2)第一段描述圖表不應該單列舉出數字，而是考試大應該重點描寫變化趨勢 ;第二段說明理由不夠充分;第三段說明影響有點牽強。
(4)全文語言錯誤較多。
例3.(8分段)
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, (however,)as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
點評：(1)本文基本切題，考試大語句基本通順
(2)第一段描述圖表太簡單，第二段有些地方表達思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡單。
(3)不少語言錯誤。
圖表作文，圖表內容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢是公房越來越少，私房越來越多。
提綱：1.簡單描述一下圖表內容
2.變化原因
3.這個變化對個人和社會的影響
例1. (2分段)
此分段標準為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴重錯誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2.(5分段)
It is descerned that(刪掉)the number of pirate(private) houses had been on a(an) increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people’s living conditions(condition), all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people’s income was on a(an) increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
點評：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)字數不夠，要酌情扣分。
(2)第一段描述圖表不應該單列舉出數字，而是考試大應該重點描寫變化趨勢 ;第二段說明理由不夠充分;第三段說明影響有點牽強。
(4)全文語言錯誤較多。
例3.(8分段)
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, (however,)as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
點評：(1)本文基本切題，考試大語句基本通順
(2)第一段描述圖表太簡單，第二段有些地方表達思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡單。
(3)不少語言錯誤。
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